I posted this over the weekend on the Soggy Granola forum I'm a member of. It got a pretty big response, so I figured I'd put it out here for the rest of the world. Just some things I've been struggling with lately...
I posted a few days ago about missing having an uncomplicated life.
Remember when it used to be the usual to sleep in on the weekends? When the only one affected by your decisions was yourself, and maybe your significant other?
I was missing that. It's hard to have a family. It's a lot of joy, but it's a lot of work, too.
Part of what brought that on is that I'm in a much different place from most of my college friends. One of them is getting married next weekend, and I'm going to miss the wedding because of things outside of my control. She was in my wedding, and I really wanted to go. All the rest of our college friends will be there. Only two others have any children at all, and both of them have 1 infant... So, just a different phase of life.
I was missing when it was just me and John, and we could pick up and go and gallivant all over the country. It's hard having that feeling when you can't run away from it all, and you don't really want to, but having all these people counting on you and depending on you all the time is wearing, too.
I was envious of my friends who are just starting out, when everything is fresh and new. Or even the ones who are still dating. Beginnings are exciting.
But then I was thinking more. You know, all the exciting of beginnings and all, that all wears off. And even my friends who are just getting married and starting out are going to have to do the drudgery of cleaning the sink out and folding socks. They might be able to get their laundry done in one day instead of it taking all week, but they still have to do it.
And maybe they are trying to get where we are. Maybe they want the house and the kids and the dog. Maybe they even want the minivan. So while I'm fondly remembering where they are, they could be looking at what I have and wanting it, too.
What I have right now is hard. It's incredibly hard having small children constantly demanding pieces of yourself. But it's wonderful. It's so wonderful having these beautiful people as a part of my life every single day, and being there creating memories so that when they're adults they can say, "remember that time when..."
So I thought I'd write it here. Because I think a lot of us have these feelings from time to time, and it helps to see that someone else has these same thoughts. And this might not even coherent, because I've been interrupted so many times in the writing it... to send the boys to their room for picking up the baby, to appreciate John coming to stick his face on my neck and tell me that he loved me, to hold the baby for a game of "I'm gonna get you," to listen to Niall singing "Whistling in the Dark..."
So even getting my thoughts out is hard to manage some days. And isn't that a wonderful blessing?